On YouTube I
found a humorous video that Jason Isbell did last March for The Late Show with
Stephen Colbert. In it Jason claimed to have written The Saddest (Country) Song Ever: a three-hour long, four-chord masterpiece
which includes topics such as:
Unemployment
The Troops
Reliable
Trucks Gone Done Breakin’ Down
The Devil’s
Brown Liquor
The No-Good Bankerman
Knocking on the Door with Papers
Ailing
Family Dogs
Dying Family
Dogs
Ten Thousand
Dead Family Dogs
Long-Suffering
Single Mother
Money
Problems
Tragic
Cannon Accident
A Sentient
Tractor Wishes It Could Work Harder
Drunk at
Custody Hearing
The Old
Closed Down Skating Rink
Layoffs at
the Baby Shoe Factory
A Man from
the City is Mean
Oh No!
Another Civil War!
Twin
Brothers Have Buzzsaw Accident
Grampa
Thinks His Grandson Is Hitler
A Clown Has
to Retire
Toothless
Dog Can’t Bite Burglar
Pregnant
Lady Reads Sad Book
Honor Roll
Student Experiments with Liberalism
A Father
Outlives His Lawnmower
The Entire
Plot of “A Farewell to Arms”
Local Magician’s
Funeral
Frankenstein
Attacks a Preschool
Presumably having A Farewell to Arms contributed most to the
absurd length. (The 1957 movie was 152 minutes long). I suspect Jason got
inspired by his cancer song Elephant.
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