Five pieces of bad advice from The Onion on how to conquer a fear of public speaking

On February 27, 2017 The Onion posted a one-minute parody video on How To Conquer A Fear Of Public Speaking that dispensed the following bad advice:

1]  Fill the crowd with a few familiar faces who will lie to you about how it went.

2]  Never start a speech without tossing a few fun-sized candy bars into the audience first to get them on your side.

3]  Close your eyes and breathe deeply before each word during your speech.

4]  Try to imagine everyone in the audience dead.

5]  Take solace in knowing that no matter how bad your speech goes, it will be forgotten immediately upon its conclusion. 

The onion image came from the National Cancer Institute.