What the heck is a covfefe?

Last night our President, Donald J. Trump, bizarrely tweeted:

“Despite the constant negative press covfefe.”

A New York Times article asked: What’s a ‘Covfefe’? Trump Tweet Unites a Bewildered Nation. Perhaps he just misspelled coverage or got confused spelling coffee.

The following ‘fake news’ explains it. A covfefe is a double-ended tool, or (or more desperately) a weapon. The classic tool is the double-bladed paddle (shown above) used with a kayak. The classic Trumpian weapon is a Drumpfschticker (double-ended fighting pike). Pikes were used successfully by armies in the pike square or the Scottish rectilinear schiltron.

But the Drumpfschticker instead is associated with the Selbstmordkampflinie (suicidal battle line), a desperate tactic necessitated by their awful family strategy of simultaneously antagonizing neighboring cities both to the east and west. Reportedly the Drumpfschticker inspired the double-ended lightsaber employed by the Star Wars character Darth Maul.

The paddle was adapted from an image at Wikimedia Commons.

UPDATE

June 12, 2017 Trump Tweets Would Be Archived under COVFEFE Act.

"On Monday, Rep. Mike Quigley introduced The Communications Over Various Feeds Electronically for Engagement (COVFEFE) Act, which will update the law to include social media."