A dozen awful sports quotations

Great quotations are wonderful, because there are oodles so bad they are funny. Yesterday at USA Today high school sports there was an article by Joe Leccesi titled NCSA: The worst inspirational quotes of all time. His twelve picks are:

“Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something.” – Dennis Rodman

“Ninety percent of the game is half mental.” – Yogi Berra

"Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.” – Joe Theismann

“I quit school in the sixth grade because of pneumonia. Not because I had it, but because I couldn’t spell it.” – Rocky Graziano

“Why should we have to go to class if we come here to play football, we ain’t come to play school, classes are pointless.” – Cardale Jones.

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards – whichever comes first.” – George Rogers

“We didn’t underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought.” – Bobby Ronson

“We must have had 99 percent of the match. It was the other three percent that cost us.” – Ruud Gullit

“Defensively, I think it’s important for us to tackle.” – Karl Mecklenburg

“If lessons are learned in defeat, our team is getting a great education.” – Murray Warmath

“Lads, you’re not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died.” – Frank Leahy

“Look, I’m a coach. I’m not Harry Potter. He is magical, but in reality, there is no magic. Magic is fiction and football is real.” - Joe Mourinho

The facepalm gesture cartoon was adapted from one at Openclipart.