There is a very interesting 2025 book by Robert J. Coplan
titled The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected
World. It is briefly discussed at NextBigIdeaClub in an article on December 8,
2025 titled The Power of Being Alone: Why Solitude Is Good for You. His Five Key
Insights are that:
Solitude is not loneliness.
You are not alone if you are craving more time alone.
We all need solitude – even extraverts.
Parents can help children develop their capacity for solitude.
In the end, it’s all about balance.
Professor Coplan’s book has chapter summaries titled User’s
Guide for Solitude [pages 227 to 232] as follows:
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT SOLITUDE IS POWER. [Chapter 8, pages 140 and
141]
Keep a solitude diary where you track your time alone, solitary
activities, and mood every day for a week. Afterward, examine it for patterns,
make some tweaks, and see if you can improve your mood.
WHEN IT COMES TO SOLITUDE, YOU DO YOU.
Everyone needs to find their personal ‘just right’ amount of
solitude and to personalize their alone time with their preferred solitary
activities.
IF YOU DON’T ENJOY SOLITUDE, FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.
Just thinking positive thoughts while alone can improve
experiences of solitude, and being reminded of the benefits of solitude can
improve the strength of those effects.
ENGAGE IN MICRODOSES OF SOLITUDE.
Spending as little as fifteen minutes alone a day can have
measurable and lasting positive effects. And remember, ‘practice makes better’
applies to alone time as well. Make a plan for how you can integrate a little
bit of solitude into your routine on most days – and stick to it!
WHEN ALONE, DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.
If you find yourself ruminating while alone, try to distract
yourself with another activity, write out your thoughts to get them out of your
head and onto paper, or make some concrete plan to address your worries. If you
still struggle with these negative thoughts, consider seeing a therapist. There
is really good help available, and it can make a huge difference.
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE, LOOK FORWARD TO LETTING YOUR MIND
WANDER. [Chapter 9, pages 158 and 159]
Use time alone as an opportunity to let your mind wander.
But be mindful that your daydreams do not deteriorate into daymares. Although
this can be challenging, thinking happy thoughts and focusing on positive
feelings can help.
TO HELP GET UNSTUCK, INCUBATE AND SWITCH.
To boost creative solutions to stubborn problems, take a
solitude break and switch to a different activity. Ideally, this activity
should not be too engaging, not too boring, but ‘just right.’ Take some time
and experiment with different approaches to find your own optimal activity for
this.
FIND YOUR BALANCE BETWEEN SOLITUDE AND SOCIALIZING.
To help with the creative process, and to generally boost
your mood and well-being, alternate between episodes of being alone and time
with others. Again, this balance will require some time to figure out, and it
will look different for different people.
SOLITUDE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GO WITH THE FLOW.
Time alone can also be an opportunity to achieve a state of
flow. Find an activity that you enjoy, find challenging, and feel motivated to
pursue. Dive in, immerse yourself in the experience, and let it lead you
wherever it goes.
IF YOU ENJOY SPENDING TIME ALONE, CONSIDER TURNING OFF YOUR
PHONE FOR A WHILE. [Chapter 10, pages 179 and 180]
For soloists and introverts, optimal alone time likely
entails no or minimal use of technology. Too much tech can interfere and
distract from positive experiences of solitude.
IF YOU FIND SOLITUDE ANXIETY-PROVOKING, BORING, OR AVERSIVE,
YOUR PHONE CAN BE HELPFUL IN TERMS OF MAKING YOUR TIME ALONE MORE PLEASANT.
Be mindful of using your alone time exclusively to interact
virtually with others. You are likely missing out on a lot of ‘freedoms’ that
solitude has to offer. Consider at least turning off your notifications and
refraining from the more ‘social’ uses of your phone.
WE SHOULD ALL ASPIRE TO FEEL SOME JOMO.
Try to reframe each solitary ‘time-out’ from technology as a
joyful respite from your phone’s constant demands for your attention. Relish
and revel in all the stuff you are (temporarily) missing out on.
WHEN ALONE, TRY TO USE TECHNOLOGY FOR ‘GOOD’ INSTEAD OF FOR ‘EVIL.’
Aim to reduce obsessive monitoring of social media timelines
or doomscrolling through anxiety-provoking news headlines and be mindful of how
such activities impact your mood. Instead, focus on activities that reduce your
stress, such as reading, listening to music, engaging in hobbies, or playing
mindless games that facilitate mind wandering.
SPENING TOO MUCH TIME SCROLLING THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA CAN
RUIN YOUR TIME ALONE – AND LIKELY MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF UNDER ALMOST
ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
This advice is presented without caveat!
LEARNING TO PLAY SOLO IS AN IMPORTANT TASK FOR YOUNG
CHILDREN, AND PARENTS CAN HELP THEM DEVELOP AND FLEX THEIR SOLITUDE ‘MUSCLES.’
[Chapter 11, pages 200 and 201]
Try to build in some solitude time as part of your child’s
regular routine. They may resist it at first, but keep with it. Children will
also benefit from choosing how they want to spend time alone, but for children
under the age of five years, screen time should not be a regular solitary
activity.
SOLITUDE MAY BE HARDER TO COME BY FOR OLDER CHILDREN, AND
PARENTS MAY NEED TO HELP THEM CARVE OUT TIME AND SPACE TO BE ALONE.
Be mindful not to overprogram children’s schedules. Older
children are often dealing with a social environment conspiring against them
getting time alone. This can be a source of stress that is not often
acknowledged, particularly for children who crave solitude.
PARENTS OF ADOLESCENTS SHOULD BE MINDFUL OF A GROWING NEED
FOR PRIVACY AND DESIRE FOR SOLITUDE THAT OFTEN COMES AT THIS AGE.
Parents should strive to grant their teenagers a reasonable
amount of autonomy, privacy, and time alone. At the same time, parents should
also be vigilant for signs that their teenagers’ experiences of solitude are
not solely fraught with loneliness and angst.
PARENTS STILL NEED THEIR SOLITUDE TOO.
Grant yourself permission to spend some time alone. For many
people, a small investment in ‘me time’ offers the valuable return of being a
better parent and a better person.
WHEN IT COME TO MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS THAT MAY BE RELATED TO
SOLITUDE (SUCH AS LIVING ALONE OR BEING SINGLE), THERE IS NO ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL
RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS. [Chapter 12, pages 220 and 221]
People benefit from both time alone and time with others,
and they should strive to live their lives in a way that encourages a balance
that works for them. Even if it were the case that marriage makes people
happier overall, this does not mean that getting married will make everyone
happier.
A SMALL INVESTMENT IN TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF ON ANY GIVEN
DAY CAN PAY OFF IN TERMS OF IMPROVING YOUR TIME WITH OTHERS.
Even if you end up spending a little bit less time directly
interacting with others, the quality of that time will be improved enough that people
around you will feel better about their relationships with you.
IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR ALONE TIME.
Taking time for yourself is okay, even when you are the
parent of young children. It should be completely normative and acceptable to
say to someone you are close with. ‘I love you. I love spending time with you,
but right now I need a few hours by myself.’ “
There is another more general article by Flora Tsapovsky at BBC
[Culture] on June 10, 2025 titled ‘Humans need solitude’: How being alone
can make you happier.
The statue is of John Huston.
