Via interlibrary loan, from the Meridian Public Library, I got an interesting 2024 book by David Robson titled The Laws of Connection: The scientific secrets of building a strong social network. There is a preview at Google Books. His Parts, Chapters, and starting pages are:
Introduction 1
Part 1 – Building Connections
Chapter 1: The Social Cure 11
Chapter 2: How We Connect 30
Chapter 3: The Personality Myth 51
Chapter 4: Overcoming Egocentric Thinking 70
Chapter 5: The Art of Conversation 90
Chapter 6: Expressing Appreciation
Part 2 – Maintaining Connections
Chapter 7: Truth, Lies and Secrets 131
Chapter 8: Avoiding Envy and Enjoying Confelicity 151
Chapter 9: Asking for Help 168
Chapter 10: Healing Bad Feelings 186
Chapter 11: Constructive Disagreement 205
Chapter 12: Finding Forgiveness 224
Conclusion: The Thirteenth Law of Connection 243
Further Reading 249
Glossary 251
Acknowledgements 257
Credits 259
Notes 261
Index 301
On October 10, 2024 Toby Sinclair has a post titled The Laws of Connection: book summary.
Pages 244 and 245 of David’s book provide a summary of his twelve laws (and a thirteenth):
“1] Be consistent in your treatment of others. Avoid becoming as stressful frenemy.
2] Create a mutual understanding with the people you meet. Ignore superficial similarities and instead focus on your internal world, and the peculiar ways that your thoughts and feelings coincide.
3] Trust that others, on average, will like you as much as you like them, and be prepared to practise your social skills to build your social confidence.
4] Check your assumptions; engage in ‘perspective-getting’ rather than ‘perspective-taking’ to avoid egocentric thinking and misunderstandings.
5] In conversation, demonstrate active attention, engage in self-disclosure, and avoid the novelty penalty, to build mutual understanding and contribute to the merging of our minds.
6] Praise people generously, but be highly specific in your words of appreciation.
7] Be open about your vulnerabilities, and value honesty over kindness (but practice both, if possible).
8] Do not fear envy. Disclose your successes but be accurate in your statements and avoid comparing yourself to others. Enjoy ‘confelicity.’
9] Ask for help when you need it, in the expectation that your pleas for support can build a stronger long-term bond.
10] Offer emotional support to those in need, but do not force it upon them. Validate their feelings while providing an alternative prespective on their problems.
11] Be civil and curious in disagreements; show interest in the other side’s viewpoint; share personal experiences; and translate your opinions into their moral language.
12] For your wellbeing, choose forgiveness over spite. Look at the big picture in arguments. Ensure your apologies define the offence, take responsibility for your actions, and express regret. Have faith that people can change for the better.
To these, I would like to add one final law:
13] Reach out to the people who are missing in your life. Let them know that they are still a part of your thoughts.”
The triangular gird was adapted from here at Wikimedia Commons.
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