A useful 2022 book titled Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a useful 2022 book by Annie Duke titled Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away. You might quit by hanging up your boxing gloves. On page xxiv of the Prologue (shown in the Amazon sample) she describes the book’s organization as follows:

 

“The aim of this book is to create a better understanding of those forces that work against good choices about what and when to quit and the circumstances in which we are reluctant to walk away, and to help all of us view quitting more positively so we can improve our decision-making. I’ve organized this material into four sections, with three interludes.

 

Section I will make the case for quitting as a decision skill worth developing. Chapter 1 covers why quitting is our best tool for making decisions under uncertainty, because it allows us to change course after new information is revealed. I’ll also examine how the very uncertainty that makes the option to quit so valuable can make it hard to quit at all, Chapter 2 explores why, when you quit on time, it usually feels like you quit too early. Quitting is ultimately a forecasting problem, meaning that when to quit is a problem of whether the future looks dirs., not whether the present is dire. And a rosy present is a heard thing to walk away from. Chapter 3 will dive into the science of quitting, showcasing the evidence that we all tend to poorly calibrate our grit/quit decisions: In particular, when the world gives us bad news we tend to persevere too long, but when we get good news, we tend to quit too soon.

 

In Section II, I cover specifically how your decision to quit is affected by whether you are winning or losing (‘in the losses’). Chapter 4 introduces the concept of escalation of commitment, where we respond to bad news by increasing our commitment to a losing course of action. Chapter 5 describes why sunk costs make it so hard to walk away. I’ll dive deep into the fear of waste and how the money, time, effort, or other resources we have invested in a course of action negatively impact decisions about whether to move forward. Chapter 6 offers up strategies to improve decisions about when to quit, including the importance of tacking the hardest part of a project first, as well as ways to develop benchmarks, criteria, and signals, called kill criteria, that will help ensure you quit sooner when persisting is no longer in your best interest.

 

In Section III, I’ll get deeper into the cognitive biases that interfere with quitting. Chapter 7 explores how ownership, both of things and ideas, makes it difficult to change course, as well as the powerful pull of the status quo. I’ll cover the dual effects of how the fear of uncertainty and the fear of losing associated with a changing course prevent us from charting a new path. Chapter 8 looks at how our identity – and our desire for a consistent identity – becomes an impediment to quitting, and can cause us to escalate commitment to disastrous choices. Chapter 9 offers an additional strategy for mitigating the cognitive biases that make walking away so hard; a quitting coach, or someone who can see our situation from the outside and help us to change course when the time is right.

 

In Section IV, I examine the problem of opportunity cost. Whenever we commit to a course of action, by default we are committing to not pursuing other things. How do we know when it’s time to quit one choice in favor of another, better one? Chapter 10 highlights the lessons we learn when we’re forced to quit, and how to apply those lessons preemptively. Chapter 11 looks at the downside of goals, arguing that, although goals are a motivating force, they can also motivate you to stick to things that are no longer worthwhile. The pass-fail nature of goals is at odds with an unfixed and flexible world, and the desire to meet a goal can keep us from seeing other paths and opportunities available to us. I’ll also argue for why every goal needs caveats, as well as progress markers along the way.

 

I hope that as a result of reading this book, you will learn to recognize why quitting should be celebrated and how it can become a skill you can develop and use to enrich your life, encouraging you to value optionality, execute better on the things you stick with, and continue exploring so you can flexibly change with (or in advance of) a changing world.

 

To be clear, there are lots of hard things that are absolutely worth sticking to, and resilience and grit are going to help you do that. Success is not achieved by quitting things just because they are hard. But success is also not achieved by sticking to hard things that are not worthwhile.

 

The trick is figuring out when to persevere and when to walk away. This book will develop the tools to do that.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 6 is titled Monkeys and Pedestals. On page 111 she explains:

 

“Imagine that you’re trying to train a monkey to juggle flaming swords while standing on a pedestal in a public park. If you can achieve such an impressive spectacle, you’ve got a moneymaking act on your hands.

 

Teller recognizes that there are two pieces to becoming successful at this endeavor: training the monkey and building the pedestal. One piece of the puzzle presents a a possibly intractable obstacle in the way of success. And the other is building the pedestal. People have been building pedestals since ancient Greece and probably before. Over two-plus millenia, pedestals have been thoroughly figured out. You can buy one at a furniture store or a hardware store, or turn a milk crate upside down.

 

The bottleneck, the hard thing, is training a monkey to juggle flaming torches.

 

The point of this mental model is to remind you that there is no point building the pedestal if you can’t train the monkey.

 

In other words, you ought to tackle the hardest part of the problem first.”

 

The boxing gloves, monkey, and pedestal all were adapted from Wikimedia Commons.

 

 

A venue is an indefinite place rather than a thing, so it is a bad name for a sport-utility-vehicle.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few days ago I stopped behind a Hyundai Venue at a traffic light. That is a subcompact, crossover, sport-utility-vehicle (SUV). According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a venue is:

 

“a place where events of a specific type are held.”

 

Because a venue is an indefinite place rather than a thing it is a bad name for a vehicle. Some other Hyundai names at least are for cities, definite places. A Hyundai Santa Cruz is a compact pickup truck. And a Hyundai Santa Fe is a crossover SUV. A Hyundai Tucson is a compact, crossover SUV. And a Toyota Tacoma is a pickup truck.

 

Back on July 13, 2021 I blogged about Improper plural names for single motor vehicles, particularly the Nissan Armada – a full-size SUV.

 

The image of a 2022 Hyundai Venue came from Wikimedia Commons.

 

 

The Laws of Connection is an interesting 2024 book by David Robson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Via interlibrary loan, from the Meridian Public Library, I got an interesting 2024 book by David Robson titled The Laws of Connection: The scientific secrets of building a strong social network. There is a preview at Google Books. His Parts, Chapters, and starting pages are:

 

Introduction  1

 

Part 1 – Building Connections

 

Chapter 1: The Social Cure  11

Chapter 2: How We Connect  30

Chapter 3: The Personality Myth  51

Chapter 4: Overcoming Egocentric Thinking  70

Chapter 5: The Art of Conversation  90

Chapter 6: Expressing Appreciation

 

Part 2 – Maintaining Connections

Chapter 7: Truth, Lies and Secrets 131

Chapter 8: Avoiding Envy and Enjoying Confelicity  151

Chapter 9: Asking for Help  168

Chapter 10: Healing Bad Feelings  186

Chapter 11: Constructive Disagreement  205

Chapter 12: Finding Forgiveness 224

 

Conclusion: The Thirteenth Law of Connection  243

 

Further Reading  249

Glossary  251

Acknowledgements 257

Credits  259

Notes  261

Index  301

 

On October 10, 2024 Toby Sinclair has a post titled The Laws of Connection: book summary.

 

Pages 244 and 245 of David’s book provide a summary of his twelve laws (and a thirteenth):

 

“1] Be consistent in your treatment of others. Avoid becoming as stressful frenemy.

 

2] Create a mutual understanding with the people you meet. Ignore superficial similarities and instead focus on your internal world, and the peculiar ways that your thoughts and feelings coincide.

 

3] Trust that others, on average, will like you as much as you like them, and be prepared to practise your social skills to build your social confidence.

 

4] Check your assumptions; engage in ‘perspective-getting’ rather than ‘perspective-taking’ to avoid egocentric thinking and misunderstandings.

 

5] In conversation, demonstrate active attention, engage in self-disclosure, and avoid the novelty penalty, to build mutual understanding and contribute to the merging of our minds.

 

6] Praise people generously, but be highly specific in your words of appreciation.

 

7] Be open about your vulnerabilities, and value honesty over kindness (but practice both, if possible).

 

8] Do not fear envy. Disclose your successes but be accurate in your statements and avoid comparing yourself to others. Enjoy ‘confelicity.’

 

9] Ask for help when you need it, in the expectation that your pleas for support can build a stronger long-term bond.

 

10] Offer emotional support to those in need, but do not force it upon them. Validate their feelings while providing an alternative prespective on their problems.

 

11] Be civil and curious in disagreements; show interest in the other side’s viewpoint; share personal experiences; and translate your opinions into their moral language.

 

12] For your wellbeing, choose forgiveness over spite. Look at the big picture in arguments. Ensure your apologies define the offence, take responsibility for your actions, and express regret. Have faith that people can change for the better.

 

To these, I would like to add one final law:

 

13] Reach out to the people who are missing in your life. Let them know that they are still a part of your thoughts.”

 

The triangular gird was adapted from here at Wikimedia Commons.

 

 

Slipping when quoting from a poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a post about the poem Lepanto written by G. K. Chesterton made by Dr. John Livingston at the Gem State Patriot News blog on October 11, 2026 titled What Makes A Civilization Worth Defending. You can find the full text of that poem here at the Poetry Foundation. John incorrectly says that:

 

“Chesterton gives that conviction memorable expression:

‘It is he whose loss is laughter when he counts the labour worth.’ ”

 

But that line instead actually is:

 

‘It is he whose loss is laughter when he counts the wager worth,’

 

Labour is not the same as a wager, so John didn’t even make a proper paraphrase. His other two quotes from that poem were correct. And the last sentence of John’s post is that (with labor rather than labour):

 

“We can decide whether the cause is worth our labor—and whether we will do our part.” 

 

I have found Dr. Livingston to be notoriously poor at editing quotes. On October 22, 2024 I discussed another example in a post titled How not to write a blog post (or speech) using a quotation.

 

The slipping warning sign was adapted from here at OpenClipArt.  

 

 

Bad advice from a cookbook on how to clean stainless steel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been skimming through a 2025 cookbook by David Nayfeld titled Dad, What’s for Dinner? Lifesaving recipes to avoid meltdowns, have fun in the kitchen, and keep your kids well fed. In the back, starting on page 288, there is a section on Resources. On page 299 under the title BAR KEEPERS FRIEND, BRILLO PAD, AND A GOOD BRUSH he says that:

 

“A Brillo pad – a soap-impregnated scouring pad – is clutch for stubborn fond and keeping your stainless steel spotless.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But, as shown above, a Brillo pad is made from ordinary steel wool. It is a bad choice for cleaning stainless steel. You should instead either use stainless steel wool, or something nonmetallic. Why? Back on January 13, 2010 in a post titled How thin is ”extremely thin”? I blogged about that, and said: 

 

 "How do stainless steels work? They are reactive metals – iron alloys containing at least 11% chromium. The surface of a stainless steel reacts with oxygen to form an extremely thin, self-healing, chromium-rich passive film which stops further corrosion. This process is called passivation, and the film is just 10 to 100 atoms thick..."

 

“Just rubbing the surface with a steel wire brush or steel wool can embed enough free iron to interfere with passivation.”

 

There is a 3-page pdf article from the British Stainless Steel Association on March 12, 2001 titled Care and Maintenance of Stainless Steel which discusses this in Note #7,

 

“Rust marks or staining on stainless steels is unlikely to be the result of corrosion to the stainless steel itself (similar marks may also be found on porcelain and plastic sinks). These marks are likely to result from small particles of ‘ordinary’ (non-stainless) steel from wire wool or scouring pads becoming attached or embedded in the surface.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As shown above, clean nonmetallic pads like green or blue Scotch Brite could also be used.

 

Images of a colander pot and Brillo pads came from Wikimedia Commons.  

 

 

So and like are useful discourse markers, not just useless filler words

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

Anne Curzan has the fancy title of the Geneva Smitherman Collegiate Professor of English Language and Literature, Linguistics, and Education at the University of Michigan. In 2024 she published a book titled Says Who? A Kinder, Funner Usage Guide for Everyone Who Cares About Words. There is a Google Books preview through page 26. Beginning on page 250 she discusses use of so:

 

“How did you feel about that initial so to start the previous sentence? Many of you likely didn’t notice, and there’s no reason you would or should. It’s only the second time I used a sentence-initial so in the chapter, which doesn’t seem excessive in that distracting, now-I-can’t-notice-anything-else kind of way. But I hear from a lot of people who are noticing a lot of sentence-initial so in speech right now. What’s up with that?

 

In speech, so can function not only as a coordinating conjunction or coordinator (like and, but, or, nor, for, yet), but also as a discourse marker. Discourse markers are those little words and phrases that don’t carry ‘content’ in terms of the literal meaning of the utterance but instead do interpersonal work. We often think of them as empty words, just filling up space. And sometimes they do just that! For example, if we’re trying to remember something or we’re not ready to give up the floor and want to indicate that we’re not finished, we may say, ‘uh, uh…’ That’s a way to signal to others that they should not jump in yet. And like can certainly act like a filler, if we say something like ‘Like, um, you may not want to say that.’ (Like can do many other things, including serve as a preposition as it did in the previous sentence to introduce that bit of speech – see chapter 9.)

 

Discourse markers can help position the speaker and the listener in different ways. If I add a you know in my sentence, I may be seeking to create connection with you as a listener. If I say, ‘I mean, that’s my perspective,’ I may be using (unconsciously) I mean to minimize my authority, to create more room for your thoughts. And linguist Galina Bolden at Rutgers University has argued that the discourse marker so is a ‘lean in’ way to start an utterance. It suggests that I’m eager to tell you what I’m about to say or that I see what I’m saying as directly following up on your statement or question. By contrast, well can work in more of a ‘lean back’ way to start an utterance.

 

Discourse markers also function like traffic signals, indicating to a listener what is about to happen. One of my favorite examples is the use of well or um to signal a ‘dispreferred response.’ What does that mean? Let’s imagine that I need to tell you something I think you don’t want to hear. You ask me, ‘Are you still going to be able to come to dinner tonight?’ And I say, ‘Well…’ or ‘Um…’ I probably don’t even have to continue. I have already prepared you that I’m about to say no. This is why it can lead to miscommunication if I then say yes. You might fairly respond, ‘Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like you want to come.’ I have sent mixed signals with my discourse marker! New work on what is being called ‘backstory so’ suggests that so is also preparing a listener for a response that may be longer than they were expecting – and this is rapidly on the rise.

 

So can direct conversational traffic in a couple of other ways. It is a way we start stories. When I hear you start with ‘So, as I was driving to work this morning…,’ I may settle in to hear a story. So can also signal the equivalent of paragraph breaks in a spoken narrative or explanation.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

And on page 80 she discusses use of like:

 

“With your wordie hat on, first strive to disentangle and understand the many uses of like, so that decisions you might make about one use don’t spill over into others. Like as both preposition and conjunction is well-established as standard usage, in speech and writing. Many other uses of like are more informal, but informal doesn’t mean ungrammatical.

 

If you’re someone who worries that you use like more than you would like to, it’s likely filler and focuser like on your radar. Many of us have discourse markers we use frequently enough in speech that listeners may start to notice them. When I discuss this issue with students in my course on how conversations work, they have sometimes noted that I use a lot of ‘right?’ when I teach. Guilty! Is it overuse? There’s no clear line between use and overuse – one question to ask ourselves is whether we think a discourse marker is becoming so frequent that it detracts from the message. You can try recording yourself when you’re presenting or even in casual conversation (if the others participating in the conversation agree, I hope!) if you want to become more aware of your own speech patterns. That said, remember that discourse markers such as like, right, you know, um, and the like (yet another use of like!) do conversational work, and the goal doesn’t have to be zero. As listeners, we should be aware of judging anyone’s intelligence, competence, or worthiness of being listened to based on patterns of discourse marker use.”

 

 An article by Stanley Schacther et al. in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology for 1991, on pages 362 to 367 and titled Speech Disfluency and the Structure of Knowledge found that Columbia professors used one to six uhs per minute. I blogged about it in a post on September 15, 2011 titled Should listening to a speech be more like eating a hot dog, or driving down a road?

 

 

Another fraudulent letter, asking me to renew a Home Warranty that I do not have

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On March 24, 2026 I blogged about A fraudulent letter asking me to renew a Home Warranty – that I don’t have. Recently I received another bogus letter (shown above - with redactions) in the mail. It didn’t identify either the company name or address.

 

The message is:

 

“RESPONSE TO THIS NOTICE REQUESTED         

 

Attention: Richard Garber            

 

It is important you contact our office at 1-888-507-3992 upon receiving this notice to avoid any unnecessary delays in your coverage before 10/15/2026.

 

This notice is to inform you that the Home Warranty for your property in Boise, ID, secured by NORTHWEST BANK, may be expiring or has already expired.

 

Our records indicate that you have not contacted us yet to get your Home Warranty up to date.

 

Please call immediately as this will be our final attempt to notify you about activating your Home Warranty. 

 

Failure to call and prevent a potential lapse in coverage could result in you being liable for all costs associated with any home repairs. However, you may still have time to activate a warranty on your home before it’s too late. No inspection will be required and final acceptance is subject to your ability to meet eligibility requirements.

 

We reserve the right to revoke your eligibility for service coverage after the Expiration Date of 10/15/2026. Please respond immediately by calling 1-888-507-3992.

 

 Sincerely, Allison Taylor – Program Director”

 

But I have no Home Warranty and also no connection with NORTHWEST BANK. The previous letter was almost identical to this one except for listing a different Program Director.