The Laws of Connection is an interesting 2024 book by David Robson

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Via interlibrary loan, from the Meridian Public Library, I got an interesting 2024 book by David Robson titled The Laws of Connection: The scientific secrets of building a strong social network. There is a preview at Google Books. His Parts, Chapters, and starting pages are:

 

Introduction  1

 

Part 1 – Building Connections

 

Chapter 1: The Social Cure  11

Chapter 2: How We Connect  30

Chapter 3: The Personality Myth  51

Chapter 4: Overcoming Egocentric Thinking  70

Chapter 5: The Art of Conversation  90

Chapter 6: Expressing Appreciation

 

Part 2 – Maintaining Connections

Chapter 7: Truth, Lies and Secrets 131

Chapter 8: Avoiding Envy and Enjoying Confelicity  151

Chapter 9: Asking for Help  168

Chapter 10: Healing Bad Feelings  186

Chapter 11: Constructive Disagreement  205

Chapter 12: Finding Forgiveness 224

 

Conclusion: The Thirteenth Law of Connection  243

 

Further Reading  249

Glossary  251

Acknowledgements 257

Credits  259

Notes  261

Index  301

 

On October 10, 2024 Toby Sinclair has a post titled The Laws of Connection: book summary.

 

Pages 244 and 245 of David’s book provide a summary of his twelve laws (and a thirteenth):

 

“1] Be consistent in your treatment of others. Avoid becoming as stressful frenemy.

 

2] Create a mutual understanding with the people you meet. Ignore superficial similarities and instead focus on your internal world, and the peculiar ways that your thoughts and feelings coincide.

 

3] Trust that others, on average, will like you as much as you like them, and be prepared to practise your social skills to build your social confidence.

 

4] Check your assumptions; engage in ‘perspective-getting’ rather than ‘perspective-taking’ to avoid egocentric thinking and misunderstandings.

 

5] In conversation, demonstrate active attention, engage in self-disclosure, and avoid the novelty penalty, to build mutual understanding and contribute to the merging of our minds.

 

6] Praise people generously, but be highly specific in your words of appreciation.

 

7] Be open about your vulnerabilities, and value honesty over kindness (but practice both, if possible).

 

8] Do not fear envy. Disclose your successes but be accurate in your statements and avoid comparing yourself to others. Enjoy ‘confelicity.’

 

9] Ask for help when you need it, in the expectation that your pleas for support can build a stronger long-term bond.

 

10] Offer emotional support to those in need, but do not force it upon them. Validate their feelings while providing an alternative prespective on their problems.

 

11] Be civil and curious in disagreements; show interest in the other side’s viewpoint; share personal experiences; and translate your opinions into their moral language.

 

12] For your wellbeing, choose forgiveness over spite. Look at the big picture in arguments. Ensure your apologies define the offence, take responsibility for your actions, and express regret. Have faith that people can change for the better.

 

To these, I would like to add one final law:

 

13] Reach out to the people who are missing in your life. Let them know that they are still a part of your thoughts.”

 

The triangular gird was adapted from here at Wikimedia Commons.

 

 

Slipping when quoting from a poem

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a post about the poem Lepanto written by G. K. Chesterton made by Dr. John Livingston at the Gem State Patriot News blog on October 11, 2026 titled What Makes A Civilization Worth Defending. You can find the full text of that poem here at the Poetry Foundation. John incorrectly says that:

 

“Chesterton gives that conviction memorable expression:

‘It is he whose loss is laughter when he counts the labour worth.’ ”

 

But that line instead actually is:

 

‘It is he whose loss is laughter when he counts the wager worth,’

 

Labour is not the same as a wager, so John didn’t even make a proper paraphrase. His other two quotes from that poem were correct. And the last sentence of John’s post is that (with labor rather than labour):

 

“We can decide whether the cause is worth our labor—and whether we will do our part.” 

 

I have found Dr. Livingston to be notoriously poor at editing quotes. On October 22, 2024 I discussed another example in a post titled How not to write a blog post (or speech) using a quotation.

 

The slipping warning sign was adapted from here at OpenClipArt.  

 

 

Bad advice from a cookbook on how to clean stainless steel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have been skimming through a 2025 cookbook by David Nayfeld titled Dad, What’s for Dinner? Lifesaving recipes to avoid meltdowns, have fun in the kitchen, and keep your kids well fed. In the back, starting on page 288, there is a section on Resources. On page 299 under the title BAR KEEPERS FRIEND, BRILLO PAD, AND A GOOD BRUSH he says that:

 

“A Brillo pad – a soap-impregnated scouring pad – is clutch for stubborn fond and keeping your stainless steel spotless.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But, as shown above, a Brillo pad is made from ordinary steel wool. It is a bad choice for cleaning stainless steel. You should instead either use stainless steel wool, or something nonmetallic. Why? Back on January 13, 2010 in a post titled How thin is ”extremely thin”? I blogged about that, and said: 

 

 "How do stainless steels work? They are reactive metals – iron alloys containing at least 11% chromium. The surface of a stainless steel reacts with oxygen to form an extremely thin, self-healing, chromium-rich passive film which stops further corrosion. This process is called passivation, and the film is just 10 to 100 atoms thick..."

 

“Just rubbing the surface with a steel wire brush or steel wool can embed enough free iron to interfere with passivation.”

 

There is a 3-page pdf article from the British Stainless Steel Association on March 12, 2001 titled Care and Maintenance of Stainless Steel which discusses this in Note #7,

 

“Rust marks or staining on stainless steels is unlikely to be the result of corrosion to the stainless steel itself (similar marks may also be found on porcelain and plastic sinks). These marks are likely to result from small particles of ‘ordinary’ (non-stainless) steel from wire wool or scouring pads becoming attached or embedded in the surface.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As shown above, clean nonmetallic pads like green or blue Scotch Brite could also be used.

 

Images of a colander pot and Brillo pads came from Wikimedia Commons.  

 

 

So and like are useful discourse markers, not just useless filler words

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

 

Anne Curzan has the fancy title of the Geneva Smitherman Collegiate Professor of English Language and Literature, Linguistics, and Education at the University of Michigan. In 2024 she published a book titled Says Who? A Kinder, Funner Usage Guide for Everyone Who Cares About Words. There is a Google Books preview through page 26. Beginning on page 250 she discusses use of so:

 

“How did you feel about that initial so to start the previous sentence? Many of you likely didn’t notice, and there’s no reason you would or should. It’s only the second time I used a sentence-initial so in the chapter, which doesn’t seem excessive in that distracting, now-I-can’t-notice-anything-else kind of way. But I hear from a lot of people who are noticing a lot of sentence-initial so in speech right now. What’s up with that?

 

In speech, so can function not only as a coordinating conjunction or coordinator (like and, but, or, nor, for, yet), but also as a discourse marker. Discourse markers are those little words and phrases that don’t carry ‘content’ in terms of the literal meaning of the utterance but instead do interpersonal work. We often think of them as empty words, just filling up space. And sometimes they do just that! For example, if we’re trying to remember something or we’re not ready to give up the floor and want to indicate that we’re not finished, we may say, ‘uh, uh…’ That’s a way to signal to others that they should not jump in yet. And like can certainly act like a filler, if we say something like ‘Like, um, you may not want to say that.’ (Like can do many other things, including serve as a preposition as it did in the previous sentence to introduce that bit of speech – see chapter 9.)

 

Discourse markers can help position the speaker and the listener in different ways. If I add a you know in my sentence, I may be seeking to create connection with you as a listener. If I say, ‘I mean, that’s my perspective,’ I may be using (unconsciously) I mean to minimize my authority, to create more room for your thoughts. And linguist Galina Bolden at Rutgers University has argued that the discourse marker so is a ‘lean in’ way to start an utterance. It suggests that I’m eager to tell you what I’m about to say or that I see what I’m saying as directly following up on your statement or question. By contrast, well can work in more of a ‘lean back’ way to start an utterance.

 

Discourse markers also function like traffic signals, indicating to a listener what is about to happen. One of my favorite examples is the use of well or um to signal a ‘dispreferred response.’ What does that mean? Let’s imagine that I need to tell you something I think you don’t want to hear. You ask me, ‘Are you still going to be able to come to dinner tonight?’ And I say, ‘Well…’ or ‘Um…’ I probably don’t even have to continue. I have already prepared you that I’m about to say no. This is why it can lead to miscommunication if I then say yes. You might fairly respond, ‘Are you sure? It doesn’t sound like you want to come.’ I have sent mixed signals with my discourse marker! New work on what is being called ‘backstory so’ suggests that so is also preparing a listener for a response that may be longer than they were expecting – and this is rapidly on the rise.

 

So can direct conversational traffic in a couple of other ways. It is a way we start stories. When I hear you start with ‘So, as I was driving to work this morning…,’ I may settle in to hear a story. So can also signal the equivalent of paragraph breaks in a spoken narrative or explanation.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

And on page 80 she discusses use of like:

 

“With your wordie hat on, first strive to disentangle and understand the many uses of like, so that decisions you might make about one use don’t spill over into others. Like as both preposition and conjunction is well-established as standard usage, in speech and writing. Many other uses of like are more informal, but informal doesn’t mean ungrammatical.

 

If you’re someone who worries that you use like more than you would like to, it’s likely filler and focuser like on your radar. Many of us have discourse markers we use frequently enough in speech that listeners may start to notice them. When I discuss this issue with students in my course on how conversations work, they have sometimes noted that I use a lot of ‘right?’ when I teach. Guilty! Is it overuse? There’s no clear line between use and overuse – one question to ask ourselves is whether we think a discourse marker is becoming so frequent that it detracts from the message. You can try recording yourself when you’re presenting or even in casual conversation (if the others participating in the conversation agree, I hope!) if you want to become more aware of your own speech patterns. That said, remember that discourse markers such as like, right, you know, um, and the like (yet another use of like!) do conversational work, and the goal doesn’t have to be zero. As listeners, we should be aware of judging anyone’s intelligence, competence, or worthiness of being listened to based on patterns of discourse marker use.”

 

 An article by Stanley Schacther et al. in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology for 1991, on pages 362 to 367 and titled Speech Disfluency and the Structure of Knowledge found that Columbia professors used one to six uhs per minute. I blogged about it in a post on September 15, 2011 titled Should listening to a speech be more like eating a hot dog, or driving down a road?

 

 

Another fraudulent letter, asking me to renew a Home Warranty that I do not have

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On March 24, 2026 I blogged about A fraudulent letter asking me to renew a Home Warranty – that I don’t have. Recently I received another bogus letter (shown above - with redactions) in the mail. It didn’t identify either the company name or address.

 

The message is:

 

“RESPONSE TO THIS NOTICE REQUESTED         

 

Attention: Richard Garber            

 

It is important you contact our office at 1-888-507-3992 upon receiving this notice to avoid any unnecessary delays in your coverage before 10/15/2026.

 

This notice is to inform you that the Home Warranty for your property in Boise, ID, secured by NORTHWEST BANK, may be expiring or has already expired.

 

Our records indicate that you have not contacted us yet to get your Home Warranty up to date.

 

Please call immediately as this will be our final attempt to notify you about activating your Home Warranty. 

 

Failure to call and prevent a potential lapse in coverage could result in you being liable for all costs associated with any home repairs. However, you may still have time to activate a warranty on your home before it’s too late. No inspection will be required and final acceptance is subject to your ability to meet eligibility requirements.

 

We reserve the right to revoke your eligibility for service coverage after the Expiration Date of 10/15/2026. Please respond immediately by calling 1-888-507-3992.

 

 Sincerely, Allison Taylor – Program Director”

 

But I have no Home Warranty and also no connection with NORTHWEST BANK. The previous letter was almost identical to this one except for listing a different Program Director.

 

 

A Sheldon comic strip about four words that start with bi-

 

 

 

 

 

 

The October 9, 2026 Sheldon comic strip by Dave Kellett has Arthur (the talking duck) proclaiming the following about four words that begin with the prefix bi-:

 

“ ‘Biannual’ makes no dang sense.

 

‘Biweekly’ means every two weeks. Or twice a week. ‘Bimonthly’ means every two months. Or twice a month. So those words are already day-drinking.

 

But out of nowhere “Biannual stands its ground and says ‘Nope. I only mean twice a year.’

 

 Then Sheldon says:

‘It’s because there’s also the word Biennial, which means-‘

And Arthur replies:

‘I am going to scream Biweekly. Guess how often.’”

 

 

An uplifting 2024 book by Sue Varma about Practical Optimism

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is an uplifting book from 2024 by Sue Varma, M.D. that is titled Practical Optimism: The art, science, and practice of exceptional well-being. Her eight pillars (shown above via a table) are summarized briefly on pages 9 and 10, and then in more detail on pages 37 through 39. There is a Google Books preview to page 36.  Contents and starting page numbers are as follows:

 

Introduction – Kintsugi: Beauty from What is Broken 1

 

Chapter 1 – Why Practical Optimism? 19

 

Chapter 2 – Purpose:

                      Connecting to What Energizes and 

                      Inspires You 41

 

Chapter 3 – Processing Emotions:

                      Name, Claim, Tame (and Reframe) Them 66

 

Chapter 4 – Problem-Solving:

                      Moving Toward Action 94

 

Chapter 5 – Pride:

                      A Deep Knowing of Your Self Worth 122

 

Chapter 6 – Proficiency:

                      Believing You Can Achieve 158

 

Chapter 7 – Present:

                      Being Here Now 189

 

Chapter 8 – People:

                      Creating Nourishing Relationships 220

 

Chapter 9 – Practicing Healthy Habits:

                      Automating Good Daily Decisions 260

 

Epilogue 303

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Common Problem-Solving Practices are discussed in her table on pages 96 to 98, as is shown above.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another table, also shown above summarizes the 5Rs of Emotional Regulation and Real-World Problem Solving which are discussed on pages 105 to 113.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A table (shown above) summarizes the 4 Ms of Mental Health that she described on page 292.

 

The spiral pillars came from here on OpenClipArt.