More about eulogies and writing them

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The March 2026 Toastmaster magazine has a brief article by George Kiser on pages 18 and 19 titled Finding the Right Way to Say Goodbye.

 

There also are some good longer articles on writing eulogies. One is a 5-page pdf by Angela Morrow, RN at NH Funeral on August 14, 2019 titled How to Write a Eulogy or Remembrance Speech. Another 9-page pdf article by Rhodes Davis at Godly Youth in 2016 is titled Writing a Memorable Eulogy. A third 15-page pdf article at Eulogy for Life in 2019 is titled Write a Eulogy in 7 steps. A fourth 16-page pdf article at Co-operative Funeralcare is titled Well chosen words: How to write a eulogy.

 

There is a four-minute YouTube video at TEDx Talks September 1, 2021 titled How to write a eulogy | Bret Simner | TEDx Basel.

 

And there is an 11-page pdf article by David M. Markowitz et al. in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science USA on August 26, 2025 (Volume 122, Number 35) titled An exploration of basic human values in 38 million obituaries over 30 years. The abstract says:

 

“How societies remember the dead can reveal what people value in life. We analyzed 38 million obituaries from the United States to examine how personal values are encoded in individual and collective legacies. Using Schwartz’s theory of basic human values, we found that tradition and benevolence dominated legacy reflections, while values like power and stimulation appeared less frequently.

 

Major cultural events—the terrorist attacks of September 11th, the 2008 financial crisis, and the COVID-19 pandemic—were systematically linked to changes in legacy reflections about personal values, with security declining after 9/11, achievement declining after the financial crisis, and benevolence declining for years after COVID-19 began and, to date, not yet returning to baseline.

 

Gender and age of the deceased were also linked to differences in legacy: Men were remembered more for achievement, power, and conformity, while women were remembered more for benevolence and hedonism. Older people were remembered more for tradition and conformity than younger people. These patterns shifted dynamically across the lifespan, with obituaries for men showing more age-related variation than legacies for women. Our findings reveal how obituaries serve as psychological and cultural time capsules, preserving not just individual legacies, but also indicating what US society values collectively regarding a life well lived.”

 

There even is a two-page pdf article from the Canadian Mental Health Association titled Writing an obituary for a loved one who has died by suicide.

 

An image of a eulogy for Anwar Sadat at the UN came from the Library of Congress. 

 

What would you rather do than call customer support?

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is an article by Shep Hyken at Medium on April 2, 2025 titled Your Call Is Very Important to Us which also appeared at Advisorpedia on April 14, 2025. As shown above in a bar chart, he found in surveys that, rather than call customer support, 53% would have dinner with in-laws, 39% would clean a toilet, 34% would visit the dentist, and 26% would speak in front of an audience of a thousand people. These results previously appeared in his 2025 The State of Customer Service and CX study on page 22. In his 2026 study 36% would rather clean a toilet. And in his 2022 study 46% would rather visit the dentist while 42% would rather clean a toilet.

 

 

Be aware of speakers and audience members with mobility challenges

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a useful post by Rich Hopkins at his Speak & Deliver blog on February 27, 2026 titled A Plea to Meeting Planners. He had his left leg amputated below the knee. Rich says to plan inclusively:

 

 “Ask speakers about mobility needs in advance - Ensure ramps are visible, safe, and easy to use - Provide seating options on stage - Reduce unnecessary distances when possible - Think about attendee navigation, not just speaker logistics.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As shown above, on stage there preferably should be a chair with arms rather than a high stool.

 

Rich made it to the semi-finals (top eighty) of the Toastmasters World Championship of Public Speaking seven times and the finals (top ten) three times, as was discussed in an article by Joe Rubino in the Broomfield Enterprise on August 17, 2011 titled Broomfield man aiming to be the roast of Toastmasters.

 

You can watch an 8-minute YouTube video of his speech titled What We Knew Then at Rich Hopkins 2006 Toastmasters World Championship of Public Speaking Third Place. (At 6 – 1 /2 minutes he sits down in a chair). And you can watch his Top Ten speech from 2008, Unthinkable.

 

Most of us don’t think much about mobility challenges either for speakers or the audience. I only did after I broke my fibula, which I blogged about on November 24, 2016 in a post titled What I’m thankful for today – recovering from a broken fibula.

 

There also is an article by Dane Cobain at speakerHUB on September 26, 2023 titled How to Make Your Public Speaking Events More Accessible.

 

Images of an amputee, a chair and a stool were adapted from Wikimedia Commons.

 

 

Humor Me is an amusing 2026 book by Chris Duffy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is an amusing 2026 book by Christopher Duffy titled Humor Me: How laughing more can make you present, creative, connected, and happy. On page 215 there is a 2x2 chart, which I have colorized as shown above. And on February 10, 2026 I blogged about this book in a post titled Hair salons with puns for names.

 

The book has eleven chapters with the following titles:

 

 1] The First Pillar: Being Present

 2] The Second Pillar: Laughing at Yourself

 3] The Third Pillar: Taking Social Risks

 4] The Math of Comedy

 5] Becoming Magnetic

 6] Inside Jokes with Abe Lincoln

 7] The Second-Best Medicine

 8] More Exciting than ‘Eureka!’

 9] Punching Up

10] Laughing and Crying

11] The Only Thing Worse than No Sense of Humor

 

Chris has an eight-minute TED talk about what’s in the book released on September 11, 2024 titled How to Find Laughter Anywhere | Chris Duffy | TED. He describes, as also is on page 69 in the book, putting the title of Chief Executive Officer of LinkedIn on his LinkedIn profile. Amazingly it took their Trust & Safety department a year to react to that by deleting his account!

 

He also was interviewed by npr at Weekend edition on January 11, 2026.

 

 

We can sometimes see more than really is there

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Wikipedia page says:

 

“Pareidolia is the tendency for perception to impose a meaningful interpretation on a nebulous stimulus, usually visual, so that one detects an object, pattern, or meaning where there is none.”

 

There is a brief article by Dr. Alice Pailhes on April 21, 2025 titled Why We See Faces in Random Places: How our brain turns randomness into meaning. And another article by Phil Plait at Scientific American on June 28, 2024 is titled The Face on Mars and Other Cases of Cosmic Pareidolia.

 

The happy potato face by Andy Mabbett came from Wikimedia Commons.   

 

 

Botched statistics on fear of public speaking from an article in the March 2026 Toastmaster magazine

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is an article by social psychologist Jennifer Fidder on pages 10 and 11 of the March 2026 issue of Toastmaster magazine titled Fix Your Fear of Speaking. She begins with these three paragraphs:

 

“If you’re afraid of public speaking, have no fear – it’s one of the most common phobias. You’ve probably heard the saying that most people fear public speaking more than they fear death. And that’s true to an extent – nearly everyone has an impending fear of death; however, public speaking is something we all face having to do on a regular, even daily, basis.

 

Estimates suggest that around three-quarters of the general population report some level of anxiety about public speaking. An estimated 15 – 30% of them have a formal diagnosis of public speaking anxiety.

 

That fear of public speaking is called glossophobia, and it can prevent you from participating in activities, receiving promotions at work, and even being able to converse individually.”

 

Her first sentence mixes up fear and phobia. As shown above via a Venn Diagram, a phobia is a fear that also is intense, persistent and interfering. Back on December 11, 2013 I blogged about a previous article in a post titled Spouting Nonsense: July 2013 Toastmaster magazine article fumbles fears and phobias.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When we discuss fears and surveys, it is important to ask when a survey was done, where it was done, and what level(s) of fear were examined. We don’t need to hear stale old statistics again! There have been eleven Chapman Surveys of American Fears done from 2014 to 2025. They examined four levels of fear, as shown above via a bar chart for public speaking in the 2025 survey.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Another bar chart looks at the fear of dying at any level (Very Afraid + Afraid + Slightly Afraid), which only applies to from 49.7% to 66.8% of us - with a mean of 60.5% or about 3 out of 5 of us, and is not anywhere near everyone. But fear of people I love dying (shown in a similar chart) ranges from 73.3% to 86.9% - with a mean of 82.1% or more than 4 out of 5 of us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Still another bar chart looks at the fear of public speaking at any level - which ranges from 57.9% to 69.2% (with a mean of 63.0%) and quite a bit less than the three-quarters (75%) Jennifer claimed. Yet another bar chart shows the fear of public speaking for the levels of Very Afraid plus Afraid used in Chapman’s press releases (with a mean of just 28.5.%). Back on February 3, 2014 I blogged about Busting a myth – that 75% of people in the world fear public speaking. That ~75% (really 73%) came from back in 1977!

 

And the estimated 15 – 30% for public speaking anxiety appeared in a 2012 review article. I blogged about it in a post back on January 19, 2013 titled A recent review article on public speaking anxiety.

 

Also, Jennifer’s saying that most people fear public speaking more than they fear death is not right. There were two surveys long ago that instead found that more people (but less that 50% of them) feared public speaking than feared death. One was done in 1973, and I blogged about it on October 27, 2009 in the most popular post on this blog titled The 14 Worst Human Fears in 1977 Book of Lists: where did this data really come from? Another was discussed in a post on May 19, 2011 titled America’s Number One Fear: Public Speaking – that 1993 Bruskin-Goldring Survey. 

 

What about in the Chapman surveys? More people feared public speaking (at any level) than dying in 2015 (60.0% vs 49.7%), 2016 (60.2% vs 50.8%), 2017 (57.9% vs 55.0%), 2022 (69.2% vs 66.8%), 2023 (65.0% vs 59.8%), 2024 (65.75 vs 65.0%), and 2025 (68.5% vs 62.3%) while less did in 2018 (58.3% vs 64.4%), 2019 (64.1% vs 66.3%), and 2020/21 (61.7% vs 65.0%).

 

Finally, I don’t think it is useful to refer to the fear of public speaking by the word glossophobia. On May 6, 2022 I posted on Who popularized the word glossophobia? What is a better Plain English alternative? I suggested instead using the term speech fright, as a specific type of stage fright.

 

The Next Conversation is a thoughtful book by Jefferson Fisher

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a thoughtful 292-page book from 2025 by Jefferson Fisher titled The Next Conversation: Argue less, talk more. He is a writer, speaker, and trial lawyer. At Google Books there is a brief preview of up to page 28.

 

On page 269 there is a summary, The 47-Second Version:

 

“Number one: Never win an argument, or you’ll lose a lot more than you gain. When you regulate your reactions before responding, you keep a clear head and a calm mind.

 

Number two: Confidence isn’t an act, it’s an outcome. Use words and short phrases that assert your needs and protect your values without fear of disappointment. When you embrace your assertive voice, you make a pathway for more positive change in your life.

 

Number three: Don’t worry yourself over how to change an entire relationship. Focus on changing the next conversation. When you frame a conversation as something to learn, rather than something to prove, you take out the difficulty in building connection.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

He does a good job of illustrating concepts via simple line drawings, like one from page 37 showing what is said versus what is felt, which is shown above by my colorized version.

 

Chapter 7 is titled Assertive Voice. Jefferson describes:  

 

10 Ways to Practice Assertiveness Now

Lesson 1: Every Word matters

Lesson 2: Prove it to yourself

Lesson 3: Express your needs unapologetically

Lesson 4: Speak when it matters

Lesson 5: Say less

Lesson 6: Remove filler words

Lesson 7: Never undersell

Lesson 8: Cut the excess

Lesson 9: When in doubt, fall back on experience

Lesson 10: Say ‘I’m confident’

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And on page 159 he compares assertive voice with submissive or aggressive voice, which I have shown above via my colorized version.  

 

Chapter 10 is titled Frames. Beginning on page 215 he describes How to Frame a Conversation:

 

Set a direction

Call your shot

Get their commitment

One frame, one issue

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have illustrated this by my own graphic, shown above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 11 is titled Defensiveness and begins on page 225. My colorized version of his illustration on page 232 of how Defensiveness Builds a Wall is shown above. On page 238 he discusses How to Stop Yourself from Getting Defensive:

 

Catch yourself

Let their words fall

Get Curious

 

And on page 239 he discusses How to Prevent the Other Person from Getting Defensive:

 

Begin your sentence with ‘I,’ not ‘You’

Don’t begin your question with ‘Why?’

Acknowledge first

 

There is a pair of articles by Angela Haupt in TIME magazine about the book. One on May 14, 2025 is titled 8 Ways to Respond When Someone Interrupts You. Another on May 16, 2025 is titled The Best Way to Interrupt Someone.

 

Jefferson has a bunch of YouTube videos. A recent long one (1hr 35 min) on February 19, 2026 is titled Simple Phrases to INSTANTLY Silence Disrespect | Jefferson Fisher.

 

A 1919 drawing by Taylor F. Walter of men conversing is from the Library of Congress.