A thoughtful book by Ellen Hendriksen on How to Be Enough

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a thoughtful 2024 book by Ellen Hendriksen titled How to Be Enough: Self-acceptance for self-critics and perfectionists. At Google Books there is a preview through the end of Chapter 2 on page 34.

 

She divides the book into two parts, with fifteen chapters and an epilogue:

 

Part I: Introducing Perfectionism

 1] How We See Ourselves

 2] The Many Salads of Perfectionism

 3] The Beginning of Things

 

Part II: The Seven Shifts

 Shift 1: From (Self-) Criticism to Kindness

  4] Beyond the Inner Critic

 5] The Outer Critic: Us and Them

Shift 2: Coming Home to Your Life

 6] From Labels to Values

 7] Our Forgotten Baskets

Shift 3: From Rules to Flexibility

 8] Rewriting the Inner Rulebook

 9] Why We Turn Fun into a Chore

Shift 4: Mistakes: From Holding On to Letting Go

10] From ‘Failure’ to the Human Condition: Releasing Past Mistakes

11] From Exam to Experiment: Compassion for Future Mistakes

Shift 5: From Procrastination to Productivity

12] It’s Not About Time Management

Shift 6: From Comparison to Contentment

13] Hardwired but Not Haywire

Shift 7: From Control to Authenticity

14] Rolling Back Emotional Perfectionism: Being Real on the Inside

15] Rolling Back Perfectionistic Self-Preservation: Being Real on the Outside

 

Epilogue: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

On page 29 there is a flowchart describing self-evaluation by a perfectionist, which I have redone in color as shown above.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And on page 88 in Chapter 5 on The Outer Critics there is a table contrasting what we say, what we really mean, and what they hear, – which I have rearranged in a color version, as is shown above.   

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In Chapter 11 there are two tables showing Heart to Head Experiments, which I have shown above in color.

 

 

Excellent conversations have topics hanging from many doorknobs

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is an interesting article by Adam Mastroianni at Experimental History on February 22, 2022 titled Good conversations have lots of doorknobs. He says:

 

“Why did some conversations unfurl and others wilt? One answer. I realized may be the clash of take–and–take vs. give-and-take.

 

Givers think that conversations unfold as a series of invitations; takers think conversations unfold as a series of declarations. When giver meets giver or taker meets taker all is well. When giver meets taker, however, giver gives, taker takes, and giver gets resentful (‘Why won’t he ask me a single question?’) while taker has a lovely time (‘She must really think I’m interesting!’) or gets annoyed (‘My job is boring, why does she keep asking me about it?). 

 

….When done well, both giving and taking create what psychologists call affordances: features of the environment that allow you to do something. Physical affordances are things like stairs and handles and benches. Conversational affordances are things like digressions and confessions and bold claims that beg for a rejoinder. Talking to another person is like rock climbing, except you are my rock wall and I am yours. If you reach up, I can grab onto your hand, and we can both hoist ourselves skyward. Maybe that’s why a really good conversation feels a bit like floating.

 

What matters most then, is not how much we give or take, but whether we offer and accept affordances. Takers can present big, graspable doorknobs (‘I kinda get creeped out when couples treat their dogs like babies’) or not (Let me tell you about the plot of the movie Must Love Dogs...). Good taking makes the other side want to take too (‘I know! My friends asked me to be the godparent to their Schnauzer, it’s so crazy’ ‘What?? Was there a ceremony?’). Similarly, some questions have doorknobs (‘Why do you think you and your brother turned out so different?’) and some don’t (‘How many of your grandparents are still living?’). But even affordance-less giving can be met with affordance-ful taking (‘I have one grandma still alive, and I think a lot about all this knowledge she has – how to raise a family, how to cope with tragedy, how to make chocolate zucchini bread – and I feel anxious about learning from her while I still can.’).”

 

I found my way to this article from page 252 in a 2024 book by Ellen Hendricksen titled How to Be Enough: Self-acceptance for self-critics and perfectionists. And there is another more recent article by Minda Zetlin at Inc. on March 23, 2025 titled People who excel at starting a conversation always do this, according to a clinical psychologist and subtitled ‘Conversational doorknobs’ can help you build the connections you need for success. She says to do these three things:

 

1) Ask an open-ended question. Then listen.

2) Choose a conversational doorknob.

3) Mention your connection, but don’t overdo it.

 

 

Elliott Kalan’s 2025 book - Joke Farming: How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a useful 2025 book by Elliott Kalan titled Joke Farming: How to Write Comedy and Other Nonsense. Google Books has a preview with the first 35 pages. Among other things, Elliot was head writer for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

 

Starting on page 19 he summarizes his eight steps of voice, point, premise, structure, twist, tone, wording, and audience:

 

“Here is my process, as simply as I can state it:

 

1] Identify the absurdity I’ve recognized in a subject: the seed of what’s funny about it. Then consider how this absurdity would be viewed from the perspective and frame of reference of the comedic voice for which I’m writing.  

 

2] State that absurdity in plain language in order to clarify the purpose of the joke: in other words, the point I hope the audience will take away from it.

 

3] Select a humorous way to communicate that purpose: the conceptual premise that will lead the audience toward seeing the point.

 

4] Apply a concrete structure to that premise in a first draft. Joke structures tap into familiar patterns that help to bring out the humor of the premise.

 

5] Think ‘oppositely’ to find a twist in the structure that yields another, even funnier layer to the joke. (I know, I know … structure gets two points in the process. It’s that important, though it only gets one chapter to itself.)

 

6] Finesse the joke’s tone, making sure its emotional attitude gives the audience the proper cues for how to feel about it.

 

7] Put a final polish on the wording with an eye toward brevity, clarity, and specificity, as well as capturing the voice of whoever is telling the joke.

 

8] Deliver the joke for an audience that laughs so hard you become instantly rich and famous. (Results may vary.)”

  

In his Conclusion on page 775 Elliott reiterates via questions:

 

“Structure: What part of this joke is meant to be funny?

 

Premise: What is this joke saying? How is it communicating that?

 

Voice: Who is telling this joke? Where do they come from? What do they think?

 

Tone: How does the joke feel? How sincerely does it mean what it’s saying?

 

Wording: What’s the best way to use the format tools at your disposal to make your joke as clear and funny as possible?

 

Audience: Who is the joke being told to, and how do they feel about it?”

 

And then he continues:

 

“Those elements are best utilized to answer those questions by following three basic principles:

 

Brevity: Your joke should take as little time, verbiage, or imagery as possible to be told.

 

Clarity: Your joke should be clearly understandable to your audience, and the first step toward that is making it clearly understandable to yourself.

 

Specificity: Your joke gets closer to universality the farther it gets from generality.”

 

You can listen to a 34-minutes interview with Jesse Thorn at npr Bullseye on January 30, 2026 titled Writer and Daily Show alum Elliot Kalan on the secret to writing great jokes.

 

The farming cartoon was adapted from this one at OpenClipArt.

 

 

The role of signposts in public speaking

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is a brief article by Diane Windingland on pages 28 and 29 in the November 2020 issue of Toastmaster magazine titled Ditch the Notecards. She says:

 

“….Transitions bridge the gap between concepts, helping your speech flow smoothly from one part to the next. A transition also can be a simple signpost such as ‘first…second…third.’ Better signposting echoes previous material in your speech. So, instead of just saying, ‘Second…” it is better to say, ‘The second reason is…’ “

 

Another article by John Zimmer at Manner of Speaking on April 16, 2025 titled Signpost Your Presentation adds:

 

“Immediately after hooking your audience’s attention with a strong opening – something about which I have written in the past – tell them where you are going with the speech or presentation.

 

It is not hard to do. In fact, your signpost need only be one or two sentences.”

 

A third 5-page pdf article from the Sam M. Walton College of Business at the University of Arkansas titled Outlining Your Speech further explains that:

 

“The transition from the body of the speech to the conclusion requires a signpost, or a signal, to indicate to the audience that the speech is ending. The signpost is important, and must be clear without being cliché, so try to avoid overused phrases such as ‘In conclusion’ to signal the end of your speech.”

 

A fourth article by Antoni Lacinai on July 5, 2023 titled Signposts in Speech | A Comprehensive Guide describes how there are three types of signposts: transition, enumeration, and summary.

 

A fifth detailed article at SlideModel.com on February 16, 2026 titled Presentation Techniques You Didn’t Know Existed (Until Now) describes how:

 

“….Signposting is the practice of guiding the audience’s attention by indicating where the presentation is headed and why each segment matters. Most presentations fail not because the content is weak but because listeners cannot map new information on what came before. Signposting solves this by creating orientation points throughout the session.   

 

Effective signposting uses short verbal cues rather than long explanations. Phrases like ‘Now that we’ve established the context’ or ‘This leads us to the next factor’ serve as transitions that mentally prepare the audience. These cues reduce uncertainty; they signal continuity and prevent listeners from wondering whether the topic has shifted or expanded without warning.

 

The strength of signposting lies in its subtlety. When overused, it becomes repetitive. When used sparingly, it reinforces logical order. Signposting is particularly important in technical presentations, financial reviews, and educational settings where concepts build upon one another. It also supports oral presentation techniques in practice: clear speech is not only about pronunciation but also about keeping listeners oriented.”

 

There is a 1-1/2 minute YouTube video at T. J. Walker Success on March 14, 2019 titled What is a signpost in public speaking? A second ten-minute video from Patricia Jenkinson on June 23, 2016 is titled Signposting: Making It Easy for your Audience to Follow Your Speech.

 

 

Chemistry professor Joe Schwarcz explains how the Costco rotisserie chicken lawsuit is frivolous

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There is an article by Vaidehi Mehta at FindLaw on February 2, 2026 titled Lawsuit over Costco’s preservative-free rotisserie chicken ruffles feathers. He said:

 

“Their legal arguments center on the idea that Costco’s ‘no preservatives’ promise is deceptive because it conflicts with how the product is actually formulated. They allege that sodium phosphate and carrageenan function as chemical preservatives (by buffering pH, chelating metal ions, reducing fat oxidation, preserving texture, and extending shelf life), so a reasonable consumer would not expect a product advertised as having ‘no preservatives’ to contain these ingredients.”

 

But when you look up the Wikipedia articles on sodium phosphate and carrageenan you will find neither is described as being a preservative.

 

Joe Schwarcz is a chemistry professor and runs the McGill Center for Science and Society. His latest article collection book from 2025 is titled Better Not Burn Your Toast: The Science of Food and Health. Another article by Joe Schwarcz at the McGill Office for Science and Society on February 4, 2026 is titled The Frivolous Costco Chicken Lawsuit. He begins by explaining:

 

“Let’s start with the fact that sodium phosphate and carrageenan are not preservatives! Preservatives are substances added to food, other than salt, sugars, vinegar or spices, that prevent spoilage by curbing the growth of bacteria, molds or fungi.” 

Then he goes on to explain what sodium phosphate and carrageenan are and how they function. He ends by pointing out that the high sodium content from salting the chicken instead is a valid dietary concern.

An image of a rotisserie chicken was cropped from this one at Wikimedia Commons. 

 

 

Six comic strips describing different types of dog barks

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Specific details can make a speech more memorable. Dave Kellett draws a web comic strip called Sheldon. Dogs are one of his common subjects. In the second half of February, he had a series of six comic strips, each describing four different types of dog barks. They are:

 

February 16, 2026

‘Trampoline’

‘Car engine that won’t turn over’

‘New Orleans slow funeral tuba’

‘Smoke detector with a dying battery’

 

February 18, 2026

‘Space shuttle launch’

‘Blender with a spoon in it’

‘Popcorn kernel that won’t pop’

‘Polite-but-still-unexpected-fart’

 

February 20, 2026

‘Opera singer who stubbed a toe’

‘Mic check at a concert’

‘Elevator that stops between floors’

‘Old man in need of a lozenge’

 

February 23, 2026

‘Two shoes in a dryer’

‘Inflatable guest bed slowly losing air all night’

’10-year old Scottish kid learning bagpipes’

‘Still-mad-at-you, Marvel-movie slow-walk-away’

 

February 25, 2026

‘Church organ warm up’

‘Submarine sonar ping’

‘Bubble wrap addict’

‘Unbalanced towels in the dryer’

 

February 27, 2026

‘Spanish bull before the charge’

‘Cave’

‘Slowly cracked soda can’

‘Winter-weight buffalo crossing the road in Yellowstone’

 

My comic was modified from images of a barking dog and layered grass at OpenClipArt.  

 

 

More about eulogies and writing them

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The March 2026 Toastmaster magazine has a brief article by George Kiser on pages 18 and 19 titled Finding the Right Way to Say Goodbye.

 

There also are some good longer articles on writing eulogies. One is a 5-page pdf by Angela Morrow, RN at NH Funeral on August 14, 2019 titled How to Write a Eulogy or Remembrance Speech. Another 9-page pdf article by Rhodes Davis at Godly Youth in 2016 is titled Writing a Memorable Eulogy. A third 15-page pdf article at Eulogy for Life in 2019 is titled Write a Eulogy in 7 steps. A fourth 16-page pdf article at Co-operative Funeralcare is titled Well chosen words: How to write a eulogy.

 

There is a four-minute YouTube video at TEDx Talks September 1, 2021 titled How to write a eulogy | Bret Simner | TEDx Basel.

 

And there is an 11-page pdf article by David M. Markowitz et al. in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Science USA on August 26, 2025 (Volume 122, Number 35) titled An exploration of basic human values in 38 million obituaries over 30 years. The abstract says:

 

“How societies remember the dead can reveal what people value in life. We analyzed 38 million obituaries from the United States to examine how personal values are encoded in individual and collective legacies. Using Schwartz’s theory of basic human values, we found that tradition and benevolence dominated legacy reflections, while values like power and stimulation appeared less frequently.

 

Major cultural events—the terrorist attacks of September 11th, the 2008 financial crisis, and the COVID-19 pandemic—were systematically linked to changes in legacy reflections about personal values, with security declining after 9/11, achievement declining after the financial crisis, and benevolence declining for years after COVID-19 began and, to date, not yet returning to baseline.

 

Gender and age of the deceased were also linked to differences in legacy: Men were remembered more for achievement, power, and conformity, while women were remembered more for benevolence and hedonism. Older people were remembered more for tradition and conformity than younger people. These patterns shifted dynamically across the lifespan, with obituaries for men showing more age-related variation than legacies for women. Our findings reveal how obituaries serve as psychological and cultural time capsules, preserving not just individual legacies, but also indicating what US society values collectively regarding a life well lived.”

 

There even is a two-page pdf article from the Canadian Mental Health Association titled Writing an obituary for a loved one who has died by suicide.

 

An image of a eulogy for Anwar Sadat at the UN came from the Library of Congress.