There is a very interesting 2025 book by Robert J. Coplan titled The Joy of Solitude: How to Reconnect with Yourself in an Overconnected World. It is briefly discussed at NextBigIdeaClub in an article on December 8, 2025 titled The Power of Being Alone: Why Solitude Is Good for You. His Five Key Insights are that:
Solitude is not loneliness.
You are not alone if you are craving more time alone.
We all need solitude – even extraverts.
Parents can help children develop their capacity for solitude.
In the end, it’s all about balance.
Professor Coplan’s book has chapter summaries titled User’s Guide for Solitude [pages 227 to 232] as follows:
KNOWLEDGE ABOUT SOLITUDE IS POWER. [Chapter 8, pages 140 and 141]
Keep a solitude diary where you track your time alone, solitary activities, and mood every day for a week. Afterward, examine it for patterns, make some tweaks, and see if you can improve your mood.
WHEN IT COMES TO SOLITUDE, YOU DO YOU.
Everyone needs to find their personal ‘just right’ amount of solitude and to personalize their alone time with their preferred solitary activities.
IF YOU DON’T ENJOY SOLITUDE, FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT.
Just thinking positive thoughts while alone can improve experiences of solitude, and being reminded of the benefits of solitude can improve the strength of those effects.
ENGAGE IN MICRODOSES OF SOLITUDE.
Spending as little as fifteen minutes alone a day can have measurable and lasting positive effects. And remember, ‘practice makes better’ applies to alone time as well. Make a plan for how you can integrate a little bit of solitude into your routine on most days – and stick to it!
WHEN ALONE, DON’T WORRY, BE HAPPY.
If you find yourself ruminating while alone, try to distract yourself with another activity, write out your thoughts to get them out of your head and onto paper, or make some concrete plan to address your worries. If you still struggle with these negative thoughts, consider seeing a therapist. There is really good help available, and it can make a huge difference.
WHEN YOU ARE ALONE, LOOK FORWARD TO LETTING YOUR MIND WANDER. [Chapter 9, pages 158 and 159]
Use time alone as an opportunity to let your mind wander. But be mindful that your daydreams do not deteriorate into daymares. Although this can be challenging, thinking happy thoughts and focusing on positive feelings can help.
TO HELP GET UNSTUCK, INCUBATE AND SWITCH.
To boost creative solutions to stubborn problems, take a solitude break and switch to a different activity. Ideally, this activity should not be too engaging, not too boring, but ‘just right.’ Take some time and experiment with different approaches to find your own optimal activity for this.
FIND YOUR BALANCE BETWEEN SOLITUDE AND SOCIALIZING.
To help with the creative process, and to generally boost your mood and well-being, alternate between episodes of being alone and time with others. Again, this balance will require some time to figure out, and it will look different for different people.
SOLITUDE IS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GO WITH THE FLOW.
Time alone can also be an opportunity to achieve a state of flow. Find an activity that you enjoy, find challenging, and feel motivated to pursue. Dive in, immerse yourself in the experience, and let it lead you wherever it goes.
IF YOU ENJOY SPENDING TIME ALONE, CONSIDER TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE FOR A WHILE. [Chapter 10, pages 179 and 180]
For soloists and introverts, optimal alone time likely entails no or minimal use of technology. Too much tech can interfere and distract from positive experiences of solitude.
IF YOU FIND SOLITUDE ANXIETY-PROVOKING, BORING, OR AVERSIVE, YOUR PHONE CAN BE HELPFUL IN TERMS OF MAKING YOUR TIME ALONE MORE PLEASANT.
Be mindful of using your alone time exclusively to interact virtually with others. You are likely missing out on a lot of ‘freedoms’ that solitude has to offer. Consider at least turning off your notifications and refraining from the more ‘social’ uses of your phone.
WE SHOULD ALL ASPIRE TO FEEL SOME JOMO.
Try to reframe each solitary ‘time-out’ from technology as a joyful respite from your phone’s constant demands for your attention. Relish and revel in all the stuff you are (temporarily) missing out on.
WHEN ALONE, TRY TO USE TECHNOLOGY FOR ‘GOOD’ INSTEAD OF FOR ‘EVIL.’
Aim to reduce obsessive monitoring of social media timelines or doomscrolling through anxiety-provoking news headlines and be mindful of how such activities impact your mood. Instead, focus on activities that reduce your stress, such as reading, listening to music, engaging in hobbies, or playing mindless games that facilitate mind wandering.
SPENING TOO MUCH TIME SCROLLING THROUGH SOCIAL MEDIA CAN RUIN YOUR TIME ALONE – AND LIKELY MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF UNDER ALMOST ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
This advice is presented without caveat!
LEARNING TO PLAY SOLO IS AN IMPORTANT TASK FOR YOUNG CHILDREN, AND PARENTS CAN HELP THEM DEVELOP AND FLEX THEIR SOLITUDE ‘MUSCLES.’ [Chapter 11, pages 200 and 201]
Try to build in some solitude time as part of your child’s regular routine. They may resist it at first, but keep with it. Children will also benefit from choosing how they want to spend time alone, but for children under the age of five years, screen time should not be a regular solitary activity.
SOLITUDE MAY BE HARDER TO COME BY FOR OLDER CHILDREN, AND PARENTS MAY NEED TO HELP THEM CARVE OUT TIME AND SPACE TO BE ALONE.
Be mindful not to overprogram children’s schedules. Older children are often dealing with a social environment conspiring against them getting time alone. This can be a source of stress that is not often acknowledged, particularly for children who crave solitude.
PARENTS OF ADOLESCENTS SHOULD BE MINDFUL OF A GROWING NEED FOR PRIVACY AND DESIRE FOR SOLITUDE THAT OFTEN COMES AT THIS AGE.
Parents should strive to grant their teenagers a reasonable amount of autonomy, privacy, and time alone. At the same time, parents should also be vigilant for signs that their teenagers’ experiences of solitude are not solely fraught with loneliness and angst.
PARENTS STILL NEED THEIR SOLITUDE TOO.
Grant yourself permission to spend some time alone. For many people, a small investment in ‘me time’ offers the valuable return of being a better parent and a better person.
WHEN IT COME TO MAJOR LIFE DECISIONS THAT MAY BE RELATED TO SOLITUDE (SUCH AS LIVING ALONE OR BEING SINGLE), THERE IS NO ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL RECIPE FOR HAPPINESS. [Chapter 12, pages 220 and 221]
People benefit from both time alone and time with others, and they should strive to live their lives in a way that encourages a balance that works for them. Even if it were the case that marriage makes people happier overall, this does not mean that getting married will make everyone happier.
A SMALL INVESTMENT IN TAKING TIME FOR YOURSELF ON ANY GIVEN DAY CAN PAY OFF IN TERMS OF IMPROVING YOUR TIME WITH OTHERS.
Even if you end up spending a little bit less time directly interacting with others, the quality of that time will be improved enough that people around you will feel better about their relationships with you.
IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR ALONE TIME.
Taking time for yourself is okay, even when you are the parent of young children. It should be completely normative and acceptable to say to someone you are close with. ‘I love you. I love spending time with you, but right now I need a few hours by myself.’ “
There is another more general article by Flora Tsapovsky at BBC [Culture] on June 10, 2025 titled ‘Humans need solitude’: How being alone can make you happier.
The statue is of John Huston.
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