Imagine you are building a new subdivision. There are lots of contractors working on homes in various stages of completion. They want to park near where they are working. How can you politely warn them and other visitors that a home now is complete and occupied? The sign shown above is how Hayden Homes does it. I saw it in their new Baserri subdivision, just west of Cole and Lake Hazel Roads.
At Baserri the mailboxes are in clusters for a group of homes (like the set of sixteen shown above).
Recently I received a letter from my Honda dealer which should have simply said that your vehicle’s basic limited factory warranty coverage is about to expire, and we recommend you obtain additional supplemental coverage.
Instead I got the stilted 25-word version shown above in a cartoon caption. If your speech draft contains long sentences like that, then you should revise it. They continued:
“We recommend you obtain additional coverage, so that you protect yourself against the financial cost of mechanical repairs* after your factory warranty expires…. *Certain conditions, restrictions, limitations and exclusions apply. If you have already purchased a vehicle service contract, please disregard this notice.”
On September 15, 2015 I blogged about how you should Beware of stilted language. But that sort of stilted language is common in insurance and legal writing. In a blog post on August 8, 2012 titled Doesn’t Q & A mean quiche and asparagus? I mentioned that AD&D means Accidental Death and Dismemberment insurance coverage. (It really covers either death or dismemberment). Together they come up in gruesome episodes of TV shows like Criminal Minds.
The image was adapted from a cartoon on page 81 of a 1918 book by Fontaine Fox titled Cartoons Second Book at the Internet Archive.
You are responsible for thinking before ever outlining a speech, firing up Word, Excel, or PowerPoint, and eventually getting in front of an audience. Of course the title comes from a venerable advertising campaign with posters about preventing wildfires.
At Duarte there is an article by Jeff Davenport titled 5 Things you can do today to improve your public speaking skills. Another article by Carmine Gallo at Forbes on December 30, 2020 is titled Take small steps to unleash your public-speaking skills in 2021.
PowerPoint was used to assemble the illustrations. An image of a man pointing his finger came from Wikimedia Commons. Eight images with Improper Positions and Correct Attitudes are from page 24 of an 1897 book titled The Progressive Speaker at the Internet Archive.
I am greatly enjoying reading Jerry Seinfeld’s book Is This Anything?, which was published in October. Jerry creates comedy from his observations of everyday objects and events over a 45-year career. One routine titled Sock Closet goes:
“When you buy socks they always come on a tiny hangar. Does anybody have a tiny sock closet to hang them up? Tiny doors. Go through them to pick out what you’re wearing that day (fingers going through). ‘Argyle … crew … tube sock … over the calf.’ “
I roll up each pair of my socks, as shown above. Long ago I learned to buy at least two pairs in a color or pattern, because inevitably one will wear through or get lost. Jerry has two other sock routines - The Sock Escape and The Sock Left Behind.
Another routine titled Car-tastic says:
“I love cars. It’s my favorite physical object. I don’t know why I think this. My only theory is, when you’re driving: You’re outside and you’re inside. You’re moving, and you’re completely still, all at the same time.”
On May 10, 2020 I blogged about how At Netflix there is a new Jerry Seinfeld comedy special. In that post I quoted from a routine which in this book is longer and titled It is what it is:
“I’m sure some idiot said it to you today. You can’t get through a day without someone going,
‘Well…it is what it is…’
‘Why are you alive? To just say air words that fill the room with meaningless sounds?’
I’d rather someone just blew clear air in my face than said ‘It is what it is’ to me one more time. Just come up to me and go, ‘Ppppppphhhhhhh.’ I get the same data from that. People know no one’s going to challenge them when they say ‘It is what it is.’
No one’s going to go, ‘I don’t think it is.’ ‘You don’t?’ ‘No. I believe it is what it isn’t.’
People repeat words because it gives them confidence. They can say it with strength. ‘Business is business.’ ‘Rules are rules.’ ‘A deal’s a deal.’ ‘What’s done is done.’
‘But when we go in there, as long as we know what’s what and who’s who, then whatever happens, happens, and it is what it is,’ “
The laughing demon mask came from Wikimedia Commons.
It is interesting to compare the holiday message given by the President Trump and Melania with the one from President-Elect Joe Biden and Dr. Jill. The YouTube video of The President and First Lady’s 2020 Christmas Message lasts for 2:40 and has 352 words:
“The President and I want to wish every American a very merry Christmas. During the sacred season Christians celebrate the greatest miracle in human history. More than 2000 years ago God sent his only begotten Son to be with us. An angel announced the birth of our Lord and Savior to humble shepherds. He said, I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all of the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you. He is the Messiah, the Lord. You will find the baby wrapped in clothes and lying in a manger. At Christmas we thank God for sending us his Son to bring peace to our souls and joy to the world. As you know, this Christmas is different than years past. We are battling a global pandemic that has affected all of us. Yes[t], through these great challenge we have been inspired by the kindness and courage of citizens across this country. Teachers have worked extraordinar[il]y hard to keep our children learning. Students have delivered groceries to elderly neighbors. Communities have found new ways to stay connected to one another. Courageous first responders, doctors, and nurses have given everything to save lives. Brilliant scientists have developed treatments and vaccines. We are delivering millions of doses of a safe and effective vaccine that soon end this terrible pandemic and save millions and millions of lives. We’re grateful for all of the scientists, researchers, manufacturing workers, and service members who have worked tirelessly to make this breakthrough possible. It is truly a Christmas miracle. During this wonderful time of year we also give thanks for the brave and selfless Americans who keep us safe. We are forever grateful for the men and women of law enforcement, and the heroes of the United States military. In this holy season, we thank God for his infinite love and we pray that the light of his glory will forever shine on this magnificent land. On behalf of Melania and the entire Trump family, we wish you a very merry Christmas and a happy New Year.”
The YouTube video of A Holiday Message from the Bidens lasts for 2:09 and has 345 words:
“Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. Jill and I wish you and your family peace, joy, health and happiness this season. But we know for so many of you in our nation this has been a very difficult year. And we’re reminded in this season of hope our common humanity and what we’re called to do for one another. Many of our fellow Americans are struggling to find work, literally put food on the table, pay their rent or their mortgage. We’re reminded we’re on this earth to care for one another, to give what we can, and to be a source of help and hope to friend and stranger alike. Many families are facing their first Christmas having lost a loved one. And Joe and I know that sorrow. And we know how, in times of grief, a kind word can mean so much. This is also a season of gratitude. And we’re so thankful for the frontline and essential workers who have put themselves at risk for all of us – and for the scientists and researchers who worked to deliver vaccines that are an incredible scientific breakthrough. And we’re thinking of our service members who are far from home and the loved ones who miss them. Our family knows your sacrifice, and our hearts are with you. For the Bidens, we usually have 20 to 25 people over Christmas Eve for dinner, but not this year. We’re going to miss our family, but it’s what we need to do to keep our family safe. We hope you’ll consider limiting travel and the size of family gatherings as well this year. Even as our celebrations are dimmed, we know that this won’t be forever, and brighter days are coming soon. On this holy day, we remember that love and joy can be shared across the farthest distances. We celebrate apart, but not alone, and look forward to next year, when we can come together with renewed appreciation for the people and the traditions we love. So from our family to yours – Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.”
The most striking difference between the two is that the Trump speech uses ‘we’ 10 times while the Biden speech uses it 18 times. The Biden speech effectively says that ‘we feel your pain.’ And there also is a wordless 0:41 YouTube video with A Holiday message from Champ and Major Biden. President Trump merrily headed off to Florida for Christmas without either signing or vetoing the relief bill it had taken Congress months to compromise on.
The YouTube video of The Queen’s Christmas Broadcast 2020 lasts 7:15. It opens with a mounted band playing God Save the Queen, and closes with the The Lewisham and Greenwich NHS Choir singing Joy to the World. Elizabeth has been doing a televised Christmas broadcast for over six decades! The first one, from 1957, lasted a very similar 7:26. It contains a message that Trump might well have taken to heart:
“….That it’s possible for some of you to see me today is just another example of the speed at which things are changing all around us. Because of these changes, I’m not surprised that many people feel lost and unable to decide what to hold onto and what to discard; how to take advantage of the new life without losing the best of the old.
But it’s not the new inventions which are the difficulty. The trouble is caused by unthinking people who carelessly throw away ageless ideals as if they were old and outworn machinery.
They would have religion thrown aside, morality in personal and public life made meaningless, honesty counted as foolishness, and self-interest set up in place of self-restraint.
At this critical moment in our history, we will certainly lose the trust and respect of the world if we just abandon those fundamental principles which guided the men and women who built the greatness of this country and Commonwealth.
Today we need a special kind of courage, not the kind needed in battle, but a kind which makes us stand up for everything that we know is right, everything that is true and honest. We need the kind of courage that can withstand the subtle corruption of the cynics, so that we can show the world that we are not afraid of the future.
It has always been easy to hate and destroy; to build and to cherish is much more difficult. That is why we can take pride in the new Commonwealth we are building. ….”
On a lighter note, from Channel 4, there also is a 3:45 YouTube video titled Deepfake Queen: 2020 Alternative Christmas Message. It is rather amazing.
A painting of Christmas Eve 1878 by J. Hoover and Son is from Wikimedia Commons.
Santa is a fairy tale for kids, but free e-books are real. On December 12, 2017 I blogged about how to Be your own Santa Claus – download free public speaking e-textbooks. In that post I provided links to the Open Textbook Library at the University of Minnesota.
There you can find the newer 2019 fourth edition of Exploring Public Speaking by Kris Barton and Barbara G. Tucker. There also is the 2016 book Stand Up, Speak Out (author not identified, but really by Jason S. Wrench), and the 2019 book Speak Out, Call In: Public Speaking as Advocacy by Meggie Mapes. Toastmasters and other students of public speaking will find those e-textbooks useful as references.
On September 4, 2020 I blogged about how Two of my blog posts are referenced in a textbook on Exploring Public Speaking.
The image was adapted from an 1898 stereograph card titled Santa looking up those who are good at the Library of Congress.
Probably not. Santa Claus is a Christmas fairy tale for children. Yet at the Idaho Freedom Foundation on December 18, 2020 there is an article by Wayne Hoffman titled Dear Santa. His wish is for one gift – an ‘unbiased’ Idaho news reporter. His opinions are way out on the rabid right fringe, so his notion of who would be unbiased is suspect. Another article of his titled A letter to Santa appeared on December 19, 2019.
Wayne occasionally has mentioned that he is Jewish (and thus would not have grown up with Santa as his holiday tradition), as he noted in an article on July 1, 2018 titled Rendering personal assistance to people reflects who we are as Idahoans:
“Many of my Mormon friends know that I am Jewish, and (in addition to trying to convert me!) they’ve taught me much about the generosity that is the heart of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It’s one of the features of the church I admire most.”
How about the Idaho Freedom Foundation? The What We Believe section in their About web page doesn’t have a clause that mentions Santa Claus. They and Wayne are not above spreading other fairy tales though. On June 22, 2020 I blogged about Will the Idaho Legislature convene a “Red Dawn” special session on June 23, 2020. They had distributed a fairy tale legal opinion claiming the Idaho Legislature could convene itself without the governor.
An image of Santa was adapted from a December 7, 1904 Puck magazine cover at the Library of Congress.
