Almost incomprehensible

Occasionally when I research a topic for this blog with a Google search I wind up going “through the looking glass” to an article posted on a content mill.

Content mills are web sites with large collections of cheaply produced articles. Their revenue comes from advertisers, and their content often is mass produced like cheap sausage - by ill-paid writers running words from a master text through a thesaurus to produce multiple articles containing almost incomprehensible sentences.

 I ran across a gem posted on April 17th about Fear of Public Speaking: Physical and Mental Manifestations. It began by saying:

“This commodity addresses some of the key issues regarding abhorrence of accessible speaking. A careful reading of this actual could accomplish a big difference in how you anticipate about abhorrence of public speaking.”

Then It listed the following confusing symptoms:

"1. You accept collywobbles in your stomach. 

2. Your award are sweating.

3. Your easily are shaking. 

4. If you acquisition yourself abashed by what you’ve read to this point, don’t despair. Everything should be bright clear by the time you finish. 

5. Your knees are as well abashed and you feel as if your legs are about to collapse.

6. Your affection beats abundant faster than normal. 

7. You acquaintance a slight blackout or you have a “fainting” feeling. 

8. You accept a abdomen disorder. 

9. Your face is ablaze and your aperture is dry. 

10. You accept “cold sweat” all over. 

11. 'Panicky’ thoughts.'” 

Affection should be heart, and aperture should (more specifically) be your mouth. I’d hope that other apertures, like my nose would be dry.

The image of sausage stuffing came from the Library of Congress collection.